The Loneliness Epidemic

Hello, and we are going to talk today about loneliness and the impact on your mental, emotional, and physical health. So, welcome to the show where you can be informed and empowered about all healthcare issues that are important to you. Loneliness is actually an epidemic. And it is, we really need to kind of put more attention to it because there's a lot of people in our families and our friends who are suffering in silence. So the World Health Organization has declared loneliness as a global public health concern. And actually, our U.S. Surgeon General made it one of his initiatives. They actually found that social isolation increases your risk of dying early by 30%. So that's a lot. So let's get into it today. So there's a lot of people who are single or they spend significant time alone or they like being alone. That's actually not what we're describing as loneliness. So one of the first things that I want to do is I actually want to define loneliness. Loneliness is an emotional state that arises when a person feels isolated or disconnected from others. It can occur temporarily or it can be something that is chronic and it has an impact both on mental and physical health. There's multifaceted issues that can affect people of all ages and all backgrounds and all lifestyles. So today we're going to dive into sort of the impact. We're going to talk about the causes. We're going to talk about the types of loneliness. And we're going to also talk about the symptoms and what to do, all of that. So loneliness is not merely about being physically alone. It's also about because there's some people, and we saw this during COVID, right? There were some people, and they were like, I like this whole isolation and stay away from me. They they really enjoyed that. That was kind of something that was more their norm. And then there were other people who were kind of social butterflies who were like, oh wow, I'm really struggling. So loneliness is not about, are you physically alone? Loneliness is about your perception of isolation and then what sort of distress actually comes with it. So you could be married, you could be part of a large family that interfaces a lot, but your perception is that you are alone. And similarly, you could be living alone, not have any family members, but your perception is that everything is okay. So you do not experience loneliness because that's your norm, right? So loneliness is really, really about perception. So according to a study done by Cigna Healthcare, 61% of Americans report feeling lonely. And what's what's interesting about it is that it includes younger people. The most affected groups were younger adults that were 18 to 22. So I say this because if you're listening to this show and you have young people in your lives, check in with them. Older adults above 65 did actually have a higher uh rate of loneliness. Um, and about uh 43% of seniors uh experienced chronic loneliness. According to the National Institute of Aging, about 25% of older adults in the U.S. are actually uh socially uh isolated. I actually, you know, I actually had have a story about this. I had an uncle that lived until he was 107. And at 107 years old, he was walkie, talkie, would sit up, and you know, he wasn't he wasn't bedridden or anything like that. And I remember him, he went down to Mississippi, that's where my family's from. So he went down to Mississippi, and you know, he asked to catch up with his old friend, and that old friend had died, and then he asked to catch up with somebody else, and that old friend had died, and then he asked to catch up with somebody else, and that old friend had died, and he was like, What in the world is going on here? So, so I just say that, you know, you know, people always talk about, you know, wanting to live to a very long age, and uh he he was lucky enough to live to 107, but what happens is a lot of your compatriots and a lot of your friends um may die before you if you live to a very long age. So, how do you establish like new relationships, right? What what do you what are you actually doing around that? Well, how do you do it? So I wanted to go over there's um there's three types of loneliness. There's emotional loneliness, which occurs when someone feels like they don't really have a deep, meaningful relationship. They don't really have an emotional connection. This is usually fulfilled by either friends or family members or a romantic relationship. Then there's social loneliness, and this actually occurs from not being a part of a particular group, right? So it may occur when people uh don't have as many social engagements, right? We see people handle uh social loneliness by maybe they're part of a bridge club or they play cards on the first Friday of every month, or they play tennis or pickleball, or they have a particular group that kind of does something. And then there's chronic loneliness, and chronic loneliness is really um long-term and persistent feeling isolation, and it really, really takes a toll on someone's uh mental and physical health. It's a much more serious condition than actual temporary loneliness. Um, so I was actually supposed to do this show today on loneliness, and I had invited uh comedian Damon Williams as my co-host, and I found out that he's not able to actually uh join us because of something that occurred for him, hopefully good professionally. So I've been I've invited my board operator, Alonzo. Alonzo, Alonzo, are you with me today?

Yes, I'm with you.

Okay, all righty. Because I cannot do a show. Alonzo, on loneliness, I had an emotional impact on actually coming in here to this show and finding out as I was driving only that of driving over that I was gonna be lonely. I specifically said I'm not gonna do my show on loneliness by myself. So, Alonzo, I appreciate you joining us today. I know it was at the last minute. Um, so everybody meet my aboard, Alonzo, who will be working with me today on this particular topic.

Hello, how's everybody?

Thank you, Alonzo, for joining us. One of the things is that if you experience loneliness and you feel lonely, you should ask for help. That's what Dr. V did today, because I didn't want to experience loneliness on a loneliness show. So, all righty. Thank you. Let's talk about the root causes of loneliness because it happens for a lot of different reasons. And Alonzo, as I said, jump in. So sometimes, you know, people don't really feel lonely until they do. And they're not quite sure kind of what happened or what what made the loneliness come upon them. So I'm gonna talk about a couple of things that actually lead to loneliness. So one of the things that leads to loneliness, and this happens at all age groups, is a major life change or transition, right? So you could get a new job and have to move to a new area. Um, you could suddenly retire, and maybe your social structure was all of your friends, or maybe you got fired, or you were part of the part of actually uh getting released from the federal government. Maybe a spouse or a friend that was very close to you passes, right? These are all the things that can kind of trigger feelings of loneliness, right? So life events actually occur and can actually trigger this. Um, the other thing is that, you know, maybe you're socially isolated, maybe you're physically separated from friends or families or or your community. So maybe you're actually, you know, in some way, shape, or form, physically isolated by distance. The other thing that happens is that people actually experience loneliness because they're dealing with a physical or a mental health condition. So, for instance, you could have depression or anxiety or some sort of social phobia that makes you actually withdraw. And this can actually increase, this can increase feelings of loneliness because of your mental or physical issues. Uh, sometimes people undergo, they have surgery, um, they have a medical issue that they're dealing with, like cancer, that really requires their their focus. They're not able to participate in the normal social activities that they would uh participate in. And this can also give them a real experience of loneliness. All right, so we've got a question from Rachel. She says, When I caught COVID and had to be isolated from everything and everyone, I I did not like it. It was the loneliest time of my life. Every time I think about it, I get sad. So, so yeah, COVID was probably so the, you know, there was kind of two categories of people during COVID. There were the people who were like, oh, social isolation? I don't have to see people. This is great. And there was another group of people, uh, and Alonzo, you have to tell me what group what group you were in. There was another group of people who were like, oh, my life is ending. Like, oh my gosh, it's horrible. I can't go to a happy hour, I can't go to the cigar bar, I can't, I can't be with my friends. Alonzo, what category were you in?

Well, it didn't bother me because I I never stopped. I was I was here working.

Oh, okay.

But I did have a question for you, uh uh close to that line. Go ahead. So loneliness thing, uh when does it start in someone's life? Because we think it's well I'm gonna say cute and at a young age because you know, because you don't want nobody around you. And when you get older, you you you two you carry that with you until the time comes and you're really lonely. Right, right. You suffer. Right. So when does it actually start before you get up in age?

Right. So so it's different for different people. So it's interesting that you kind of bring that up. You know, I my my my grandfather was somebody who um he didn't really like a whole lot of people around him. And then as he got older, he was like, wait a minute, are you coming to visit me? I was like, Well, you never cared if I came to visit you before. You know what I mean? So, so people are kind of on their own individual trajectory around how they socialize, right? And and I say it's it's really important for people to think about like what's going on with me socially, like, am I socially contracting or am I socially expanding, right? So some people experience it when their kids go off to college, right? Because maybe a lot of their social structure was related to their children and the activities that your children were doing, right? So Alonzo, you sound like you're somebody, because you since you're a board operator and you say you're always at work here. I mean, I I see him every I see him when I come in and do this show. He's by himself. So you are by yourself in a room being a board operator. But you don't, you probably don't experience feeling lonely at your job.

No. Right. There's always something to do.

Right. Okay. Okay. So you're an example of being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely. Right? So you come in, you're you're the board operator here, you help me out when I do the show live. Um, even though you're alone in the room, you have things to focus on, you have to pay attention, you got things, you know, you're paying attention to the time clock, you got stuff going on, right? So similarly, I could have a lot of people around me, and I'm and I and Wendy Williams is a perfect example of this, right? I could have what maybe was a big life, like maybe have um a lot of friends, a lot of family. For some people, they're married, they're even married and they feel alone, right? And so the presence or absence of people doesn't define loneliness, right? That's what I want people to really get today. It is what is your experience of your situation that you have going on right now? So if you so I had an experience, and that's why I use this, because I invited Alonzo onto the show. I had the experience of loneliness because comedian Damon Webbs was supposed to be with me today, and he suddenly couldn't be with me. So I had an immediate experience of loneliness, right? So when you have that feeling, I think what's important for everybody to think about is what do you do? Do you reach out? Do you call somebody? Do you invite someone into your space? Now, Alonzo sounds like you don't want anybody invited into your space while you're at work. You're focused, correct?

Correct. Because just when things get comfortable, anything can happen.

Exactly.

That's where you don't want to be.

Exactly. Exactly. All righty. I've got a question from Lisa. So, Lisa, who's a teacher, she says, I'm worried about in how increased technology and social media will impact our children's ability to socialize and form meaningful relationships. Do you see this as a health issue? Oh my gosh. This is like, I think, I I think Alonzo, I'm gonna have to do a whole show on children and their use of devices, social media, and all that. I'm gonna do, I'm gonna do a whole show on that. Devices, social media, TV, uh, anything with a screen, okay, absolutely harms your children's ability to actually develop social relationships. So you want to actually, you if if you're if your child is very much into whether or not it's video games or social media or whatever it is, if they're really into that, you really want to push them into um some sort of sports or social activity where they actually have to develop that that skill set, right? And so, um, and the skill set basically is socializing and understanding how to interact with other people outside of the screen. It is really, really important. And most of our children have way, way, way too much screen time. The uh American College of Pediatrics has uh recommendations uh for screen time, and I I think that you would be actually surprised to actually hear some of these recommendations. I'm gonna actually pull them up here real quickly. So, first of all, if your child is less than 18 months, I say two years, but a year and a half, two years, they should have absolutely no screen time. None. Absolutely none, other than maybe uh FaceTiming with a grandparent or or aunt or uncle or some some something like that, right? Um and so um 18 months uh to five years, uh children should only have one hour per day of screen time. One hour. So um, and then more than five years up to teens, they should only have two hours a day.

But that keep them quiet.

I know, but this is how come I had this is how come I had Alonzo, this is why I gotta do a this is why I gotta do a whole show on this, okay? Because people use phones and uh laptops and uh kitty kitty kitty phones and kitty laptops to keep their kids quiet.

Suppressive.

Right, right, and then they're like, okay, I don't have to hear from you, and they go over there in a corner somewhere, but what's happening is their brains are forming, and when when you you your your brain is not fully formed until you're 26 years old. Did you know that, Alonzo? Yes, 26 years old, okay? So, so a lot of folks, your brain is not fully formed until you're about 25, 26 years old. So, zero to five years old is a very, very important time in your brain development. And these screens rewire how you think and how you feel. And I think that this is part of the reason why we're having so much, I'm seeing so many kids come in with depression and anxiety, social anxiety and depression. I I used to never, uh Alonso, I'll tell you something. I used to never have a child come in and say they want to kill themselves into the emergency department. I now have that happen at least once a month. It's crazy. Right? And so we ought to look at like what is what what is happening around. So you wanna make sure, um, and I'm glad this this question came from a teacher, because it is really, really important that we get our children socializing, creating friends, being on teams. I Alonzo, I'm sure you and I, I listen, I was on the tennis team, I was on the swim team, I was on a track team, even though I really couldn't really run track, but they let everybody on it. So I was like, let me get on the track team.

Right. Right.

I couldn't run. I could I couldn't run for anything. But you know, I was like, I get to go around to different schools, you know, meet different people good for trout. Yeah, exactly, right? Exactly. And I'm sure you were on teams, right?

Oh yes. I ran uh Heat.

Oh, so you actually could run. Okay.

Notice.

So yeah, so so that's what I'm saying. You you gotta get your kids involved in things that require them to actually uh really socialize. So I I'm glad I got that. I'm glad I got that question. But yeah, don't don't don't use the laptops as and the iPads as as a babysitter. It is it is doing more harm than good. All right, so I've got a question from Gary. Thanks for covering this topic. I'm worried about my dad who lives alone in Michigan after my mother died. Um, all of the kids are in other states, and dad refuses to move. Um, if I'm honest, I kind of feel guilty about not being there, and I'm concerned about him being alone too much at 78 years old and with limited mobility. So, so so this is really this is a really great question. So um a lot of times um loneliness will set in when there is a loss of a spouse, right? When a spouse actually uh passes. Um but one of the things that would be important in this particular scenario is to ask your father whether or not he feels lonely. Because you're assuming because his wife died that he's lonely. He may or may not be, because we kind of assume that because someone's married, they're not lonely, or because they're single, maybe they are lonely, and that's not true. There's tons of lonely people who are married, and there's tons of single people who are not lonely at all. So one is you want to really get what is his actual perception of the actual situation. So you want to ask him, you know, dad, you know, do you feel lonely? Um, and he may say yes or no to that. Now, if he says yes, he does perceive himself as feeling lonely since his wife died. Um, then the next question is um what to do about it, right? Um, so um one of the things that you said was that he sounds like you're you're one of several kids and everybody lives in a different state. Um so you could have a situation where um you guys set up a schedule. Okay, we're gonna come and see you. You know, there's four kids, we're gonna make sure that every three months one of us comes to see you. So then everybody's then responsible for coming and visiting him, visiting with him uh once a year. Um, you want to set up a a structure if he says he's lonely around calling or visiting. The other thing that is important is that a lot of times after a spouse dies, elderly people don't want to move because the support structure and the social structure that they have is where they have been living for 40 years, right? So if you think about it, like to pick up and move at 78 years old, that actually could actually make your loneliness actually worse, right? Because you how do you create friends and create an environment for yourself at 70 at 78 years old? So for some people, it's actually really, it's actually, it makes sense not to actually pick up and move um at 78 years old. So these are all conversations that you kind of have to have with your dad and kind of figure out what would be the the right thing for him. All right. We've got a couple questions that were um that were emailed in. Um, and the email is info at asdrv.us. That's info atask drv.us. And Angie asks, Dr. V, as I age, I become more intrigued about brain health. And I'm wondering if and how exactly can feelings of loneliness impact my brain health and my sense of well-being. This is actually kind of kind of interesting. So, Alonzo, did you know that a lot of the studies on loneliness have actually been done with people that were in prison?

Really?

Yes. Yes.

In the city lonely? Well. Just asking.

Well, no, wait a second now. Now wait a second. I'm not actually. So wait a second. Let me set it up a little bit better than that. Okay, let me set it up a little bit better than that. So so one is incarceration does actually create some loneliness, right? Because you're not around your friends and your family, uh, you know, and maybe your your boys or girls or whoever it may happen to be, right? But the other thing is that, you know, when people misbehave in a prison setting, they get sent to solitary, right? You know, we have, you know, Nelson Mandela was in solitary confinement for a long time, right? So a lot of the studies on loneliness have actually looked at people who were actually not only incarcerated, but also were um in solitary confinement. And so, um, and a lot of people consider, you know, they're now considering solitary confinement to be inhumane. And here's why, which is why I love this question. If you were in solitary confinement, it increases your risk of death by 24% the first year you're released. You're more likely to die the very first year you are released by 24% if you are in solitary confinement. It makes suicide 78% more likely. It makes homicide 54% more likely. So it's interesting, you're more likely to actually kill yourself after solitary confinement. So there's a lot of people, um, it can worsen if you have a pre-existing mental health disorder. So she was talking about, you know, does it impact, how does it impact your mental health? So if you have a pre-existing mental health disorder, um, solitary confinement um actually makes it worse. And also, if you don't have a mental illness, you have an increased likelihood to have a mental illness because you actually experience solitary confinement.

So are they planning on changing that or well, you know what?

So so usually people are put into solitary confinement as it relates uh because in in a prison system because of a behavioral issue, right? So they're in jail, and they're one of my previous jobs, so a lot of people don't realize this, but part of emergency medicine is correctional medicine. So correct correctional medicine is a thing, right? And so uh part of what we do in emergency medicine is there are some emergency medicine providers that then become the medical directors of certain prisons, right? And we also help with the development of protocols. So one of the things that we actually talk about is that there are other ways to deal with behavioral issues other than putting people in solitary confinement. Right. Right. And so, you know, you can take away certain privileges. Um, you can also look at, you know, are these behavioral issues related to a mental health, a mental health illness, but that, you know, just kind of like, oh, we're gonna punish you and put you in a corner and put you in solitary is really not the best thing. So, yeah, so loneliness, like severe isolation, like being placed in solitary confinement, worsens any existing mental health disorder. And if you didn't have one, it's more likely to give you one. We need to stop doing that. All right, I got a question from Mona. Uh, she said, I want to spend more time with family and friends, but it's hard because I I recent I suffer from social anxiety. I get nervous, I break into a sweat, it's a whole mess. It's almost easier to stay at home and be like a cat lady. Is there any medication for this? Uh so so this is okay, so this is very interesting. So people who have social anxiety and don't want to leave the home, it can actually get really, really severe, and in its most severe form is called agrophobia. Have you ever heard that term, Alonzo?

Not at all.

Agrophobia. And basically what that is, is that is a fear of leaving the house. And you or or for some people, it gets so bad that they have a fear of leaving the room. So they live in a room, and that makes them feel well, and then they feel unwell when they actually um go out into the home or go out into the community. One of the things that people don't realize is that the shooter involved in Sandy Hook had severe agrophobia. So part of actually, and that was the shooting then that, you know, you know, I don't know, I remember how many kids it was, but it was almost 20 kids that were um kindergartners that were killed. Part of actually what was going on was his mother, he had ag severe agrophobia. It has to be actually dealt with with therapy and also medication. There are medications that actually help with this, and then you slowly introduce someone into going out of their room or out of their house. In the situation of uh the Sandy Hook shooting, um, his mother was getting ready to sell the house. So he had to get out of the house uh because his mother had to sell the house, and he but he had severe, severe agrophobia, and some people believe that is one of the things that precipitated um that mass shooting, which is very, very um unfortunate. But yes, there is medication and there is also um there's medication and there's also uh therapy for that. So, Alonzo, I bet you I bet you had no idea I was gonna go there with that, right?

Oh, I I had no idea. Well, I'm not trying to be finding that. So he was what was he trying to do, bring people back to the house?

No, no, no.

He was wrong.

Now, now listen, he's dead, so I don't know what he was trying to do, right? I'm not sure exactly what he was trying to do. Um, but the state of Connecticut did a whole sort of um analysis of of the Sandy Hook shooting. Um, and one of the things was that um Yale University had actually recommended that he he was getting therapy. Yale recommended that he actually get therapy and medication, and so the his mother was resistant to him being on any psychiatric medications. And I and this is why I say p psychiatric medicines are really needed sometimes. And so, anyhow, she was resistant to him actually getting being on any sort of psychiatric medicines, decided to sell the house and saved a life. Yes, yeah, and so and and it was so bad that she was even concerned about it. And what she did was she looked at renting a trailer or something to actually put him in while the house was for sale. So she was also concerned about this whole thing. Yeah, so yeah, it's you know, you know, the things that the things that you do that you realize. Um, I love answering your questions and empowering everyone about about uh their health information and how you can overall improve your health. Be sure to send me any questions at info at askdrv.us that's INFO at ask drv.us. This show is produced by the nonprofit organization called Channel of Health. The mission of Channel of Health is to inform and educate and empower uh black and brown communities about pressing health care issues. We also provide scholarships for MCAT prep and school scholarships for promising young scholars in science. You can support our efforts uh to educate and empower your community. Go to askdrv.us, sdrv.us. You can also go to channelofhealth.org and donate today. All right. Thank you guys for joining us today. This has been an interesting conversation. And Alonzo, thank you for helping me not be lonely today.